Some silly thing I had to get out of my mind, posting it here being it could offend (somewhat) on lj.

……………..
“So..”. the male spoke unsure of how to start a conversation of this caliber.

“Why you?” A polite voice responded, void less off any accent or dialect. Free from the clichés of echoing influence one would have expected from God.

“Well, that’s a good start yes” he again spoke, nodding not quite ready to look this person in the eyes, if one could classify god as a person.

“Well, it wasn’t so much a choice but a randomized pick” God responded, stroking the only part of his being that was stereotypically God, his beard.

“Come again?”

“Well, just think of it this way. I picked your name from a proverbial hat” he added, presuming that would be a simplistic enough explanation.

“I would say I understand, but there seems something futile about ….”

“Lying to god?” God spoke.

“You know, omnipotent or not there’s always going to be something universally annoying about finishing of someone’s else’s sentences.” He commented, surprising himself being so forward towards someone such as him, or her, or whoever.

“I know. Call it a bad habit, especially when you know what people are going to say an hour before they say it. “

“Being all knowing isn’t all its cracked up to be is it?” he questioned, daring enough to raise his gaze upwards to Gods torso. Unsurprised seeing God wearing long almost glowing robes, tied with what looked like ropes made from a golden fleece.

“It does tale the spontaneity and surprise out of life, I’ll assure you of that” God replied falling backwards unto his back into a freshly grown section of grass that he conjured up himself.

“Neat trick, you must be the life of all parties”

“Believe it or nor, I’m not the most sociable of creatures”

“Looking at the state of the world, I believe it”

God raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, his attention now fully aroused.

“Excuse me?”

“You haven’t noticed the world?”
“Well the world and its people are two different departments. I handle the people, greenpeace handles the world”

“You’re kidding? Greenpeace?”

“Damn, you would think after this long, I would have somewhere along the line learnt the art of sarcasm”

“You would, wouldn’t you?”

“I think we’re digressing here”

“from what pray tell?”

“Why you’re here of course” God replied standing up and brushing of his clothes of rogue grass.

“Well, I am rather curious about that. last I knew I was about to…” the male halted in mid sentence and sighed.

“Well you k now what I was doing..God and all” he added.

“Indeed, By the way that wouldn’t have worked. If you wanted to kill yourself you would have needed twice more of those, and if I am not mistaken, which I’m not I know your doctor only gave you thirty of them”

“Lets change the subject shall we?”

“whatever you wish dude”

The boy stopped in his steps, taken aback and questioning that he hadn’t heard that right”

“I’m sorry, but did you just use the words “whatever” and “dude” AND in the same sentence. How undignified for God” he shook his head almost bordering on disappointment.

“Well that’s a new feeling, I’ve disappointed someone”

“Really? I would have thought many people would be disappointed in you, people who have left your proverbial congregation and taken up vows of atheism”

“Really don’t need to throw it in my face you know. And word to the wise, atheists? Bad bunch and I’m not only saying that because I’m the poster child for monotheism”

“So again, why am I here?”

“Oh right, we both are pretty talented in procrastination aren’t we?”

“uh huh”

“Anyway. See every few thousand, million..well, actually I don’t know how long. Its very easy to lose track of time up here”

“even with..the rolex?” the male pointed at gods overly girthful wrist.

“well just between you and me, it was a gift I just haven’t had the heart to tell Gandhi I cant tell time”

The man couldn’t resist, he had to break out laughing, his sides almost bursting with pain. Before settling down only to wipe tears from his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah laugh it up chuckles. Just remember who your laughing at. Omnipotence has a hair trigger, just remember that”

“Heh, Sorry..its not everyday you can wet yourself laughing at God.., wait. Oh no..hey!”

“Told you, hair trigger”

“Thanks, I’m in heaven talking to God with soiled pants”

Click.

“Much better, thanks. Another handy ability if it ever rains. Does it rain up here By the way?”

“No worries, and well ..not really. Ghosts and angels are somewhat temperamental to the cold. “

“And before we deviate too much. You here, you weren’t so chosen but plucked from obscurity to spend an few timeless moments with yours truly, only to return and spread my word.”

“A, what word would that be and B, who would believe me. did you not see what they did to Jesus?” shaking his head of his disposition, realizing in a way he compared himself to the son of god.

“Actually, wasn’t my Son..he was the first”

“First of what?”

“Of you. to come to me, spend time with me only to leave and spread my words and wisdom you will learn”
“Well…Don’t I feel special” spoken with a hint of uncaring.

“Now THAT’S sarcasm” God replied.

“Sorry if I don’t seem more appreciative, but in all honestly you got the wrong guy..”

“That I know, but god likes a challenge”

“And does God also like talking about himself in the 3rd person?”

“Your awfully forward for a guy whose in line to receive the knowledge of everything..”

“Well, if you know everything therefore know me, why are you so surprised. Something’s afoot at the circle K”

“I hate Keanu reeves” God commented abruptly.

“Your capable of hate?”

”Well Keanu as an actor not a person, as a person..hes tolerable”

“Today really is full of surprises”

“Oh, the nights barely begun..”

“Yippee..” the male spoke rolling his eyes still in a unconvinced state.

TBC